Contemplating the future

Well shoot, where do I start?  I suppose I opened this blank page today to let my mind wander; to let it regurgitate past events and plan for the future.  Instead I sit here in a "Dear Diary" moment.  One where I want to bitch and moan and whine about poor little ole me.  Gross.  Let's not go down that path.  It's a one way street with no end, I like to think of it as the time I drove through Kansas. Just think about it.  Keep thinking about it.  Asleep yet?  Yep.  That's Kansas.  Ha, you didn't think I could get through one blog post without completely careening off course, now did you?

So here I sit, in the window seat of my art studio, in the top floor of the house I share with my best friend.  Yeah, so that's what I've been doing.  I just turned 30 years old, I moved back to the city that I love [Portland] and I'm a homeowner.  Holy shit! (repeat that at least 3x)

Somedays I want to pinch myself. Everyday I pinch myself in disbelief. I'm amazed by where I was 2.. 5.. 8.. years ago, and where I am now.  I find myself contemplating the future a lot; nearly everyday in fact.  The big question on everyone's mind is, "when is Jenni going to open a bakery?"  My answer is consistently, "oh, not for awhile; at least 5 years."  In which the response is generally a shrug or a sigh.  But hey, 30 is the new something-or-other and I would like to get more experience under my belt before I dive into owning my own business.  I'm still young, there's still time.

If you asked me 5 years ago if I would be this close to my dream of opening a bakery, I would've laughed and turned back to my computer to work on graphics or pick up the phone to assist a client with a tech issue.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would actually be this close.  Never.  I mean, that's sort of what dreams are; some of them are so big they seem unattainable.  But that's just it!  They aren't.  You are the only one stopping yourself from doing what you want to do.  Truly.

You can make up excuse after excuse to why it will never happen, and you're right, it will never happen if that's what you are making yourself believe.  I am a firm believer of the "Life's too short.." philosophy.  Do what you love.  Do you think I went into baking to make LOADS of money? Shit no. I'm doing it because I absolutely love the look on people's faces when they bite into a chocolate chip cookie or how excited they get when they see that pie is on the menu.  To me, that is worth more than all the money I could've received while working in tech.  So get out there and find your passion.  Follow your dreams, and maybe one day you'll walk into my bakery, eat a chocolate chip cookie and tell me about how this ramble of a pep talk helped.

Maybe this is what I needed.  I needed to talk myself through the reasons why I'm where I am today. Right now, for the first time in a very long time, I am not working or going to school and it has been pretty hard to take in.  But I also know that it's a short lived moment.  I've been holding off for a very important reason; to continue my journey of travelling the World (I'm off to Poland and Amsterdam in two weeks)!  I still bake every week, sometimes every day.  I find recipes that work, and some that can be forgotten.  But my passion is still there, and no matter what I'm doing I don't think that will ever change.

Shit, now I need a hug.  Go out and squeeze someone today, and eat a warm pastry with your cup of coffee this morning.  Just the thought brings a smile to my face.